Putting It All Together

What is sexual boredom?

Like most activities, sexual intimacy can become boring or stale after a while. We often fall into what is often called a sexual rut, having sex in the same location, at the same time, and in the same position. Sex often becomes part of the plan; sometimes it is even scheduled on a regular basis even if the desire and interest are not present. Even if it is enjoyable, it can become boring and mundane, expected, with little excitement or variation.

In addition, some couples are paralyzed by sexual myths that have erroneously been perpetuated by society. Myths relating to culture—such as the belief that African American males are always well endowed and African American women are always interested in sexual play, or that French men and women are excellent lovers—influence how we view ourselves and our partners. Culture can also affect our communication and interactions.

Here are some practical suggestions that you can implement in your own sex life to help spice things up. Try changing locations if possible; have sex in the living room, in the shower or tub, or perhaps meet at a hotel for a quick sexual interlude. Experiment with different forms of stimulation: try massage or oral sex. Change your routine—how about a shower together? Read some erotic literature or watch a romantic movie. Try romance, seduction, or be adventurous with body paints and sexual games.

Try sex with the lights on. If you and your partner are typically night owls, try early morning sexual activity, which is often associated with improved arousal and performance as a result of heightened testosterone levels in the morning. Try fun exotic vacations like an African safari, rock climbing, or a stay at a romantic isolated beach.

Try a sexual date or quickie. Sexual quickies are planned sexual escapes that focus primarily on sexual interplay and

Like most activities, sexual intimacy can become boring or stale after a while.

arousal with orgasm. They can happen any place and at any time. Often, the surprise factor or fear of discovery can play a part in excitement. Clearly, there is a difference between quick sexual episodes and lengthy lovemaking sessions. The variety can complement and enhance the intimacy of the relationship. Lusty, fast encounters can also be satisfying for both partners. An excellent resource for some thoughtful ideas includes Tara Roth's book Romance on the Run: Five Minutes of Quality Sex for Busy Couples. Try something new and exciting today.

Raye comments:

Sexual boredom is when couples in relationships get in a rut. Just like everything in life, sex can become a routine—especially after being with your partner for a long period of time. I think people get almost too comfortable and instead of remembering what made your relationship have that fire initially, you let the fire go out. I think any relationship that is going to survive needs to have spice on both ends, and both partners need to communicate and constantly be willing to be adventurous, playful, and open to new ideas to keep the flame going. Men need to still be romantic. Don't forget it, and we as women shouldn't let them forget! It's about intimacy, courting, and sometimes the chase! They should keep doing the things that got us madly hooked on them in the first place. Don't men know how to be romantic any more or did that go out of style, too? And, no, snuggling on the couch watching boring football together is not romantic, sensual, or quality time! Don't forget about romance!

How can I improve my physical appearance to enhance sexual wellness?

The chubby hubby with a big belly may not be appealing, and the wife with an increased abdominal waist may not be as self-assured as she once was. Physical appearance is important to sexual attraction. We all can use a bit of fine-tuning and be sensitive to our partner's wants and likes. It is also important to understand that we all do change with time. The extra pounds not only change how we look but also can be contributors to chronic medical diseases such as heart problems and diabetes. Take a good hard look at yourself. Have you skipped the gym too often and had a few of those extra chocolate chip cookies? Are you carrying around a spare tire? Have you forgotten the number to the hair stylist?

Improving your physical appearance and attractiveness is not only for your partner but also for your self-esteem. Starting again with your exercise workouts, healthy diet, and self-grooming can do wonders for your self-esteem, not to mention your sex life. Both men and women have become interested and involved in the age of metrosexuality . Think about a renewed focus on your appearance where your hair is coiffed and combed, eyebrows are plucked or trimmed. Some have even gone as far as to preen pubic hair or trim underarm hair. It is not uncommon to see body hair removed or groomed. Waxing, shaving, and primping are not only for women—many men have jumped on the bandwagon and are attentive to their appearances as well. You do not need to go full force, but think about how you have let yourself go. How can you improve your personal appearance for your self-esteem?

The quality of your relationship with your sexual partner is likely to have the biggest effect on your sexual libido and your frequency of intimacy.

< Prev   CONTENTS   Next >